If you’ve moved beyond pregnancy and childbirth books, you might begin to notice that there’s a HUGE theoretical divide amongst parenting experts about how you should care for your baby. On one (very popular) side, there are credentialed individuals who advocate for attachment parenting, based on Dr. Sears theory that we should sensitively respond to our babies cues, feed them on demand, and be physically attached to our babies at all times (including co-sleeping and baby-wearing). On the other side, we have Dr. Weissbluth and many other credentialed individuals who recommend exactly the opposite, based on theories that parents should take the lead, foster independence, sleep-train, and create feeding and sleeping routines our babies. Both sides of the theoretical argument suggest (roughly) that if we DON’T follow their advice, we will have needy, and/or emotionally insecure children. If you’re already getting heart palpitations, take a deep breath, because it gets worse. You will soon learn that EVERYONE has an opinion about how you should care for your baby, and most of it is conflicting. Seriously, in the hospital with our first baby, one nurse responded to our babies cries with, “No wonder she’s crying, it’s so cold in here!” and she swaddled her up. Moments later another nurse came in and scolded us for having the baby swaddled and said, “No wonder she’s crying, she must be so hot!” And that was just the beginning of the unsolicited advice onslaught. The one thing that the experts aren’t saying, is that there is no single theory or book that has all the answers. There is no right and wrong way to care for your baby. So take that stack of newborn and parenting books, and read it all with a grain of salt. YOU are the only expert you need to care for your baby. And don’t worry – despite your deepest fears, you’ll be a great mom!
CommentsAmy Wagner 10/23/2010 9:10am
My opinion is the baby in the hospital was possibly crying not because it was hot OR cold, but because it wasn't being held by its mother, skin to skin, which would give it the perfect temp. The unpolitically correct truth is, is that all babies regardless of location and era have UNIVERSAL needs that we can't ignore. The expectation to be held at all times, slept with, breasftfed on cue, have their cries responded to, etc. (You can tell whose "side" I am on). Attachment parenting has truly been around for eons, and the "mainstream"/scientific parenting techniques of weisbluth/ezzo etc are very new. Babies evolved/God-given needs have never changed, just because we are "urban, 21st century moms." They still come out of the womb with "stone age" needs. Hi Amy and thanks for your comment. Getting to know our babies and how to respond to them is always a process of trial and error, and it takes time. Yes, Attachment Parenting theory has been around for a some time (1950’s), but it is just one of many theories, and it’s not for everyone. My message is that most parenting theories, in Orthodox forms, don’t work for everyone. Though I agree that babies all babies are born with “stone age needs”, urban lifestyles make Attachment Parenting theory difficult to implement in its purest form, and new moms shouldn’t be made to feel like failures if they can’t. After all, a woman with a spinal injury cannot wear her baby, many mothers aren’t physically able to breastfeed, and the majority of urban women must work outside the home out of financial necessity. I would like to see more support and encouragement amongst women. I see an unfortunate pattern of self-righteousness and competition amongst new moms , and I find it very sad. What happened to sisterhood? Can we not help each other despite our differing/unique parenting styles? I, for one, believe that we can! Greta 10/27/2010 2:32am
I agree with Amy. Natalie 11/05/2010 8:44pm
Thanks Greta. Your comment will be posted after it is approved. Leave a Reply |  Non-judgmental Tips
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